MAD ROLLIN DOLLS CHAMPIONSHIP BOUT 4/28/07

Final scores: Reservoir Dolls 79; Quad Squad 78
Vaudeville Vixens 80; Unholy Rollers 76

High speed action! Bone-splitting collisions! Nasty brawls, incredible comebacks and a one-point title victory!

The Mad Rolling Dolls 2007 Championship Bout featured the most exciting and skilled play of the league’s third season. The Reservoir Dolls mounted an impressive last-minute charge to reclaim the title from the Quad Squad, and the Vaudeville Vixens fought tooth and nail against the Unholy Rollers in a match for third place.

The Unholy Rollers’ Mel Ignant showed off her pipes with the National Anthem before Vixens and Unholy Rollers got down to business. The Unholy Rollers, winless all year, came out of the crypt with a vengeance and led for the first half of the opening period. In the second jam, the UR’s Ilsa Von Blutsterne sent Darling Nikki into the crowd as Mack the Knife took the lead. Vixen Chop Suzzy was lead jammer the next time around, but Wildberry Punch took advantage of the Unholy defense and claimed her first 6 of 26 points for the match. Pandora S. Blocks (UR) tussled with Chop Suzzy at the end of the fifth jam. The Rollers started jam 6 without a jammer, and Darling Nikki tool the Vixens into the lead by 4 points. The Vixens finally started to get their blocking together about halfway through the period, allowing Jewels of Denile to score only 2 points in the seventh jam. Moments later, Wildberry Punch swayed the lead back to the dark side where it would stay until halftime. The deadly divas kept their game up, and the Vixens only scored 8 points for the rest of the half, while Backdoris nabbed 9 points in the second no-lead jam of the night. Things got ugly at the end of the period as Cha Ching (UR) earned a major penalty against Mustang (VV). The last jam started with 3 Unholies in the penalty box. As the whistle sounded, the Vixens’ Peter Pannies showed Jewels of Denile what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a nasty takedown. A brief but vicious fight resulted an ejection for Pannies. At the end of the first half, the bloodthirsty Unholy Rollers led the Vaudeville Vixens 35 to 33.

In a show of solidarity, the undefeated ‘07 Reservoir Dolls shunned individual introductions. The ‘06 champion Quad Squad stormed out of a phone booth as they took the track to defend their title. If seasoned MRD fans thought they’d seen this battle before, they were in for a surprise. Res Doll Tatum Tantrum drew first blood with a 4-point jam, but that would be the last time the crime syndicate would see the lead for some time. Things got off to a typical start for the Quads’ captain Stitch as she took the Green Machine into the lead in jam 2. The fourth jam went the whole 2 minutes without a lead jammer, and fans got an eyeful of Carrie A. Hacksaw (RD) and Jenny Knoxville (QS) doing what they do best. Res Doll fan fave Scabs took Knoxville out, but Jenny still managed to score 7 points to Hacksaw’s 8 and kept the Squad in the lead by a hair. Halfway through the period with only two Quads on the track, Crackerjack didn’t seem to care that you can only score if you’ve got players to pass and took the Dolls back into the lead with 4 points. In another no-lead jam, Mouse (RD) landed a 7-pointer after a huge push from Carrie, who then took out Quad jammer Jenny Knoxville to protect the lead. That lead didn’t last long as Jenny scored 8 and Stitch put up a whopping 12 points for the superheroes and the Res Dolls’ Pocahotass got a major penalty for elbowing. In the last jam of the period, the Reservoir Dolls held Thunder Kitten scoreless, but Crackerjack was only able to shorten the Quad lead by one point. The Squad ducked back into the phone booth with a halftime lead of 48-33.

The Vaudeville Vixens kicked up the heat in the third period. VV Darling Nikki took lead jammer in the second jam, but Mack the Knife had already started passing the pink pack so Nikki called the jam before Mack could do any more damage. The Unholies’ Wildberry Punch flew through the Vixens’ defensive line for 12 points while Chop Suzzy gained another 7. The Unholies retained their lead until Darling Nikki nailed 10 points for the Vixens in jam 6, which kicked off a pushing and shouting match among the mascots on the sidelines. In yet another no-lead jam, Chop Suzzy (VV) was kickin’ ass and taking hits, but Jewels of DeNile matched her 8 points even after being taken out by Mauly Tov. By the eighth jam, just 2 points separated the two teams, and the action on the oval was looking more like a championship bout than a third-place throwdown. Backdoris (UR) went helmet to helmet with Darling Nikki (VV) in another 8-8 jam with 3 minutes to go. The Unholies put Ilsa Von Blutsterne on the line in a last ditch effort, but Mustang sent her reeling twice as the clock wound down to an 80-76 Vaudeville Victory.When the final period started, 20 minutes, 15 points and a whole lotta green skirts separated the Reservoir Dolls from the championship title. The Res Dolls’ Mouse, who had seemed a little sluggish in the first period, was firing on all cylinders against Jenny Knoxville in the first two jams. With the Quad Squad ahead and the Res Dolls looking for a comeback, both teams were on the defensive. Tatum Tantrum and Carrie A. Hacksaw (RD) put a double crunch on Stitch (QS) in jam 3, but she skated away with 9 points. Crackerjack got tangled up in a major pileup, and Thunder Kitten scored 3 points to put the Quads in the lead by 20. Halfway through the period, Mouse rallied the Dolls with a 5-point shutout against Thunder Kitten. After taking a whip from Carrie and sending Jenny Knoxville off her rails, Tatum Tantrum (RD) narrowed the QS lead with an 8 pointer. At the end of the ninth jam, with 6 minutes on the clock and 5 points away from the win, Quad Squad star Britnee Smears went down spinning and didn’t get up. After a lengthy pause in the action, the EMTs wheeled Britnee away with a broken leg and a standing ovation. The Reservoir Dolls’ defensive line seemed to share one brain as they held off Stitch and Knoxville in the final minutes of the game. Princess Die (QS) got called for a major for hooking and tripping Crackerjack in a scoreless jam. Jenny managed to score 7 points for the Squad in the next to last jam, but so did Pocahotass, who flew off a trademark Scabs whip. The Res Dolls were now just 4 points behind. Two of this season’s highest scorers, Mouse (RD) and Stitch (QS), faced of for the last jam. Fans audience clenched teeth, bit nails and crushed cans when the referees waved the ‘no lead’ signal for both jammers. The black and white pack ruled for the full two minutes, allowing only 3 points for Stitch while Mouse tore up the track to take 8 points, the lead and the win for the 2007 champion Reservoir Dolls.

Final scores:
Vaudeville Vixens 80; Unholy Rollers 76
Reservoir Dolls 79; Quad Squad 78

After the match, the Quad Squad’s Jenny Knoxville was honored for earning an astounding 500 career points. At last report Britnee Smears’ leg was already healing and she is hoping to return to the game in 2008.

Just because the Mad Rollin’ Dolls regular season is over, it doesn’t mean derby fans have to wait another year to catch more flat-track eight-wheel action. Stay tuned as Madison’s all star team, the Dairyland Dolls take on Texans, Tuscon and Rocky Mountaineers in the 2007 “off ” season!