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APRIL 8, 2006: MAD ROLLIN' DOLLS APRIL BOUT
Reservoir Dolls vs. Quad Squad
pic by Timothy Hughes

The action never lets up on derby night at Fast Forward, where flat-track roller derby reigns when the Mad Rollin' Dolls come out to play.

The second grudge-match game of the season got off to a flying start, with Mouse grabbing lead jam from Jenny Knoxville. Knoxville still managed to outscore her 3-2, a sign of things to come for the Reservoir Dolls. Using solid strategy and teamwork, the Quad Squad had built their lead to 31-16 with one jam left in the period, but Mouse closed the gap and kept her team in the game with a 10-pointer to finish the half. The Quad Squad still took a 34-26 lead into the locker room.

The second match of the night featured two teams that have struggled with injury and illness throughout the season. The Unholy Rollers and Vaudeville Vixens have vied for rankings for two seasons; this bout would give one team the underdog chance at the finals. Vixens' veteran jammer Hell Kat returned to the lineup after a back injury, but she might have wished she'd stayed on the bench, after being greeted by repeated hard hits from Ilsa Von Blutsterne and Jewels of Denile. The Unholies defense held the Vixens to just 3 scoring jams in the first half, leaving them down by 27 pts, 30-3. The half ended with a fight between the Unholies' bench manager The Gorram Reaver and out-going player Sweet Pea. The crowd cheered as Reaver serenaded her with "Shuffle Off to Buffalo" and Crackerjack stole King Thong's paddle to give her a few unexpected good-bye whacks.

Unholy Rollers vs. Vaudeville Vixens
pic by Timothy Hughes
Reservoir Dolls vs. Quad Squad
pic by Timothy Hughes

After a jaw-dropping performance by the Zhong Yi Kung Fu Association, the second period started off much like the first, with the Quad Squad losing lead jam, but out-scoring the Res Dolls by one point. The teams battled back and forth, and the Quad Squad's strategic use of lead jam status held the Res Dolls to minimal point gains. With one jam left in the game, and the score 53-49 for the Quad Squad, Mouse fell short only scoring 4 points, while Big Bang scored 3, giving the Quad Squad a 56-53 victory. When the buzzer sounded, the Quad Squad screamed and the Vaudeville Vixens and Unholy Rollers flew onto the track with hugs and cheers. The Res Dolls followed close behind, congratulating the Quads for finally breaking their streak.

The final period got off to a rocky start for the Vixens, but they pulled out all the stops on the surging Unholy jammers, with Vixen blockers Peter Pannies and Sweet Pea receiving one and two major fouls respectively as a result. Two of the three majors were on new jammer Cherry Poppins, who managed to pick herself up after repeated knocks to score a personal high 17 points in the match. The Vixens managed to close the lead slightly with a 7-point jam by Chop Suzzy, but the deficit was too big to make up. As the clock ran down the last 5 seconds, Unholy fans and players counted it down, ecstatic to finally bring home a win. Final score: 64-19

Unholy Rollers vs. Vaudeville Vixens
pic by Timothy Hughes
MRD April 8 Bout  

Scores:
Quad Squad 56, Reservoir Dolls 53
Unholy Rollers 64, Vaudeville Vixens 19

Check out the rest of the action-packed photos.

HUGS AND SLUGS

Referees: Anita Drink, Boom Boom, Graham Slam, James Blond, Marshall Law

Announcers: Baam Baam and Bob Noxious

Scorekeeper: Persecutor Mike

Scoreboard: Choppy McSideburns

Doll of Discipline: Zsa Zsa LaGore

Statistics: Big Al, X. Static, Victimizer, and Viv Sexton

Halftime: Zhong Yi Kung Fu Association

FRIENDS OF DERBY

Alt n' Bachs
Amsterdam
Audio Depot
Buckeye
Capital City Tattoo
Cat's Meow
Cha Cha Beautor Parlor
Circa
Cleveland's Diner
Details By Bill
Fast Forward Skate Center
Four Star Video Heaven
Freedom/Knuckleheads

High Noon Saloon
Ikens Hardwood Floors
Just Coffee
Lakeside Press
Misty Mountain
Mother Fool's
Nick's Restaurant
Revolution Cycles
Shamrock Bar
Shoe Box
Sooper Dooper
Supreme Pizza
Willy Street Pub & Grill

SPECIAL THANKS TO

Cappy; PBR; security and track guys and everyone behind the scenes; Josh and Mary Meier; Hell Hound; Texas Rollergirls; Rickster the trackster; Ralph at Lakeside; King Thong, Sr.; David Coppafeel; all the derby widowers; our moms; and Madison - we love you!

PROCEEDS

A portion of this bout's proceeds will be donated to Porchlight, Inc. Porchlight is a not-for-profit, volunteer agency that provides emergency shelter, food, employment services, counseling, and affordable transitional and permanent housing. Their primary mission is to meet the needs of homeless households in the Dane County area through services designed to foster independence and the transition into permanent housing and employment.

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